As of the end of July my contract with George Street United
Church will end. Three years ago they hired me to provide one year of “supply
ministry” while a committee conducted a Needs Assessment.
That one year extended into another, and then another. While
all this time there was a knowledge that this was a “temporary” posting, that I
was there for a good time not a long time - the place began to grow on me. I never did get new church stationary printed
with my name on it, but sometime in year two I did hang my art in the office.
While at George Street (or GSU) Lynn and I had the
opportunity to test drive a team ministry while we honeymooned our way through
our first years of Peterborough living. We found that we work together equally
well at home and at church – with one exception - Lynn was surprised to find
another lover in our bed.
Let me explain a bit. While there was never another “body”
in our bed – there was all too often another “presence”. We learned to make
light of the fact. Lynn would notice that I had a “far away” look in my eyes
and I’d have to fess up that I had been with “the other woman” – George Street.
Being a supply minister means that some people are reluctant
to “bond” with this person who won’t be around for long. Why invest time
getting to know someone – or opening up my life to this person – when they’re
going to leave soon? I get it.
Others cracked their lives wide open and invited me in. One
of the things I love most about this job is the opportunity to ask nosey
questions and get people telling me their “story”. I don’t collect cards or
coins or much else, but I am an avid collector of life stories. It’s always an
honour to be trusted with the telling – and there’s always some takeaway wisdom
in each person’s journey.
Sometimes it wasn’t a choice. A death, or hospital visit,
means that your life gets opened up whether you like it or not – and your need
for a pastor opens a door you might have politely kept closed otherwise.
It was an exciting and challenging time to walk with this
congregation. While in some ways all United Churches – all churches – are in
transition as the culture shifts further and further from organized religion into
consumer spirituality, the transition for GSU had spiraled into something more.
George Street has a history of leading the trends. Over its long
history it “planted” several other congregations in Peterborough. And more
recently GSU became known as a place of both progressive thinking and political
activism.
But the congregation had aged and shrunk and this huge old
building with such a fine heritage was getting to be more than the congregation
could handle.
GSU Council decided that before they called a new minister,
they needed to get clear about where they were heading. What was their future?
What was the unique role this congregation could fill in this downtown
neighbourhood?
So, in addition to the day to day, week to week, season to
season work of ministry, visioning, proposing, testing pilot projects,
retreating, evaluating, listening, debating, learning hard lessons, admitting
mistakes, adapting and beginning again – all became a major pre-occupation for
myself and the church’s leadership. My role evolved from a caretaker’s position
into a midwife’s. Working our way ahead through the conflict and the
celebrations, the losses and the successes required my emotional, spiritual and
physical attention. The congregation changed. I changed. We called it
transformation.
In theory, ministers are supposed to maintain an objective
and professional attitude with their clients. This might work if I was a lawyer
or a doctor or a therapist. But the work of ministry is all about passions.
People are involved in their churches because they love it – and can’t help
it. They pour their time and their money into the place and they can get pretty
passionate about things
While I’m sure that I did a damn
good job of maintaining a professional approach – I couldn’t help but
get drawn into the drama of this GSU love story. I waded in and then swam in
the deep waters with all of my own skill and passions. I poured my whole self
into it. That’s the way I do ministry.
I don’t sit back and observe. I listen. I ask questions. And
then I find the people who want to make a story happen. And we did. We tried
and we tested. We listened some more and asked more questions. Every step of
the way, the congregation voted for the story to continue unfolding.
And now it’s over for me. It feels like the end of a TV
season – I’m the actor who won’t return next
season because the authors have written me out of the plot. My affair with GSU
has come to an end. I’ve been voted off the island.
Good Grief! Breaking up is hard to do…
“Say it’s not so!” was one of the first reactions DENIAL
“Maybe you could just stay a bit longer?” was another BARGAINING
“You never really loved me – did you?” has come up in a
number of ways ANGER
“We’re really going to miss you” is the hardest to hear
because it reminds me of how much I’m going to miss them DEPRESSION
“Remember when…?” stories arise as we begin to reminisce
about the good times and the struggles. I don’t think I’ll get through this
last stage for quite some time yet. Even as I begin to pack the boxes. Tie up
the loose ends. Attend my final meetings. Write my final report – it’s gonna
take time before I get to… ACCEPTANCE
The story of GSU will continue to evolve without me. I’ll be
a neighbour now. An ex-boyfriend who’s moved out but still lives in town. I’ll
be curious - but uninvolved in the household.
Lynn and I just bought a house in this downtown
neighbourhood I’ve come to love. My own story is about to start a new chapter.
We’ve begun hearing rumours of what I’ll do next. The truth is – I don’t know.
There is a certain pressure to find the way to keep house
and home together.
But I’m not ready to start dating again. One chapter needs
to end before the next can begin. Am I worried? YES and NO.
The problem with being a preacher is that you find yourself
sooner or later needing to walk the talk. As I’ve been preaching about having
the courage to take leaps of faith, to trust that the resources will come if
the need is clear and the purpose is true – we’re now stepping out into that
void of unknowing called “faith”.
We moved to Peterborough before the GSU job came up because
we felt led by god’s spirit to plant ourselves here. GSU was an unexpected
surprise. I remember it as both a daunting and an exciting opportunity. It seemed at the time to be – not why we were
in Peterborough – but an uncanny good fit with the direction we were heading.
This direction seems to have no path. So we take one step at
a time. We’re cutting our own trail - as the alleycat wanders - I’ll keep
writing and in that way “leave a trail”.
2 comments:
Hard to do. Faith-full to do. Easier in the rear-view mirror. Walk well. Wander wide. Be ready for surprise, again.
The spirit of your ministry can't be contained by any institutional church, no matter how dedicated and progressive. But I hope the memory will linger on.
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