This week I
received news over the internet of four deaths. Each of the deaths were the
loved ones of friends and associates. Each piece of news seemed to involve
increasing degrees of suffering.
(although
that’s question for another blog – whether we can measure and compare
suffering??)
I also noticed
how upon receiving this news – I quickly managed to turn their suffering into
my problem….what should I do? …. what should I say? …. what is the most
appropriate response? Notice how the
burden of my friends has been transformed into my burden?
Instead I
really want to be able to be present to the suffering they are experiencing.
On this Good
Friday, we attempt in our rituals and ceremonies to be present to the suffering
and death of Jesus. The only “good” thing about it – is that we have an
understanding that suffering is not the end of the story. There is a doorway at
the other end of grief’s dark path.
Pema Chodron
teaches that our suffering is amplified our inability to face things as they
really are.
Our desire to
make things “good” and then hit the “pause” button – results in disappointment
as things continue to flow on in the random uncertainties of life’s chaos.
Our desire to
hit the “fast forward” button and escape when hard things happen (filling that
gaping void of pain with too much of our favourite hobbies – sex, drugs, food, booze,
shopping, sleeping, working, running)
results in avoidance of what’s at our toes.
This avoidance
only suppresses, internalizes, and delays the experience. Often the effort of
avoidance only results in amplifying the effects. The suffering continues to
rattle around in our heads while we try even harder to drown it out by turning
up the volume of excess.
So, I wanna
know, how does one face, and be present, to the pain?
How does one
walk into fire?
How do I
manage to get out of my own head and into the place where life is actually
going on minute by minute, second by second, breath by breath?
The Bhudda says
“what is – is”
Jesus says
“the kindom is within”
I’ve been
using a combination of the two. The Bhuddist practice of tonglen and a Christ
centered meditation on the candle-light of Christ.
If I believe
that the light of Christ’s divinity is in me – and in all sentient beings –
then I trust in the transforming power of love within.
With full
intention, I inhale the pain of my friends.
I bring that
pain deep into my body and allow the light of Christ’s divinity in me to
transform it. The pain fuels the flame and becomes the light and heat of love.
With full
intention, I exhale that peace into the lives of my friends.
I repeat this
practice for my own pain, the pain of strangers, the sufferings of the
creatures, the rivers, the forests, the saints.
For my
activist friends who are saying “where’s the meat?” or “I need a God with skin
on.” I need to note that this is not a replacement for action, for letter
writing, for dealing with hungry stomachs.
This practice
only prepares me for action. It ensures that when I do act – it’s not about me.
My action is about meeting the sufferings of the day and not about addressing
my own needs to please, to avoid, to cover up, or control.
But of course
life just ain’t so neat. My efforts become messy as I enter into the stream of
circumstances that demand from me a “blind understanding”.
Good Friday’s
betrayals are mine. I lose focus. Fear overcomes my good intentions. I get
distracted. I run and hide for cover.
Even in the
daylight of Easter I lose my way and need good friends to be present and guide
me with the grace of their prayers and acts of love.
May the One
who sees all that is hidden lead you through this holy weekend.
2 comments:
Allan, I can't believe the resonance of our Good Friday reflection. I have been all morning writing and painting on the theme of "Being With Suffering" rather than "Fixing the suffering", something which I have spent far too much energy on. Just getting it also. You pin it down...and address the action that comes out of it also...
Helpful insights. Now, in the name of all that's holy, tell me why this day is named "good"Friday.
I think we collectively find it hard to breathe in this degree of suffering, so we deflect it. I appreciated very much your meditation from the Buddhist Pem Chodren with the inner flame of the indwelling spirit from the Christian tradition.
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