Lynn and I
retreated to the woods this week.
The first of
the trilliums are up in their tiny trilogy perfection. Strawberry flowers dot
the path down to the river. The underbrush is in bud. Dogwoods in flower. The
alders and birch are in leaf.
Chopping wood
and clearing brush next day in sunshine the blackflies make an appearance
arriving with the sweat on my brow. “They won’t bite” I tell myself (mistaking
them for the first mosquitoes) until one crawls past my hairline and digs in.
Raising left hand to deal with it, another is nesting in my right ear and the
craziness of fighting bugs rises in my chest.
The river
runs. And runs. I love its ever-pouring forth when all else seems still. At night
I come out onto the porch to view the stars and moonlight and the rush of river
fills my ears. I invite it into me and it sweeps down inside. Down into my
shoulders and through my arms it rushes to spill from fingertips. The white
sound sweeps into my chest where worry and responsibility and heartache grow
like moss and it pulls them free from my lungs and I breathe fully as if for
the first time.
Down into the
pool of belly and bowel it pours. Swirling round in there the sound scourges
the organs and squeezes between the rows of intestines where the debris of
doubt collects and the ashes of my flare-ups of self-loathing sink into those
dark places. The white sound stirs it all into motion until the muddy mess
overflows in whitecaps that spill down the trunk of hollow legs and out into the
earth giving me sound roots where I stand in the flow – the flow making me part
of its inevitable healing, cycling, cleansing.
I am a single
tree in a forest, a fish in the stream, a human playing out my part in a cycle
and flow so much longer, deeper, and more sweeping than I can possibly
comprehend. And yet I’ve been given a unique part to play, born to bring the
gifts I carry into the places the current takes me. I am affirmed and not lost
in the great currents of time.
Finally comes a
good downpour. We’ve been thirsty for this drenching rain for weeks. The river
will rise with this offering from the skies.
It all reminds
me that change is the only constant.
The elder
Zossima, an ancient monk, in Dostoyevsky’s “The Brothers Karamazov” offers
deathbed wisdom that travels from 1880 to today as fresh and true today as
spring.
“Love all
God’s creation, the whole of it and every grain of sand. love every leaf, every
ray of God’s light! Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you
love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. And once you
have perceived it, you will begin to comprehend it ceaselessly more and more
every day. And you will at last come to love the whole world with an abiding,
universal love.
Love the
animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and untroubled joy. Do
not, therefore, trouble it, do not torture them, do not deprive them of their
joy, do not go against God’s intent.
People, do not
exalt yourself above the animals: they are without sin, while you with your
majesty defile the earth by your appearance on it and you leave the traces of
your defilement behind you – alas, this is true of almost every one of us!
Love children
especially, for they, too, like the angels, are without sin, and live to arouse
tender feelings in us and to purify our hearts, and are as a sort of a guidance
to us.
You are
working for the whole, you are acting for the future. Never seek reward, for
your reward on earth is great as it is; your spiritual joy which only the
righteous find.
Fear not the
great or the powerful, but be wise and always worthy. Know the right measure,
know the right time, get to know it. When you are left in solitude, pray.
Love to fall
upon the earth and kiss it. Kiss the earth ceaselessly and love it insatiably.
Love all people, love everything, seek that rapture and ecstasy. Water the
earth with the tears of your joy and love those tears. Be not ashamed of that
ecstasy, but prize it, for it is a gift of God, a great gift, and it is not
given to many, but only to the chosen ones.
3 comments:
Thanks Allan, that was absolutley beautiful. I wish more people felt this way!
Thank you so much Allan, that was incredibly beautiful! If only more people realized love should be guidiing them in everything they do!
I love the part about the animals :) I think God created me to love them the most haha. I loved reading this and miss you guys so much. ~Monica xoxox
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