The sky is grey with heavy clouds this
morning. The wind chimes on the deck ring with the cold breezes blowing in.
There’s no dripping happening today. Winter is not ready to let go. Yesterday
was just another tease in a long spring of teases – just when we think the
weather’s gonna break – just when we think the snow is on its way out – another
snow storm.
When I complain to Lynn about the cold
during our morning chat she tells me its minus 23 in Winnipeg. She’s there
studying for a 20 day stint of ministry training. Minus 30 with the windchill.
The Maritimes just had a wicked snowstorm – radio’s reporting freezing rain for
them today.
Maybe the weather’s not so bad here
today.
The Dalai Lama teaches that when we
feel down about our circumstances, it can be helpful to remember those who are
worse off. Feeling compassion for other’s circumstances helps me feel better.
Isn’t that kind of self serving?
My dad would put it this way. Whenever
I start feeling sorry for myself he would tell me to “buck up”. My generation
says it this way “suck it up”. Or how about “life sucks – and then you die” for
a philosophical stance?
Whatever gets me out of bed and out on
the sapline.
When I try to hurry on the snowshoes I
start tripping up. So I slow down.
It’s why I practice Tai Chi. The art of
this ancient form of discipline is to pay close attention to each movement. The
slower I go, the more I am able to be aware of the placement of hands, feet,
butt, head and shoulders, knees and toes. The art of it comes when – not only
are the fingers of my hand in proper position – but my focus is on the whole
and not the parts. After ten years of practice I have a glimpse of what it is
to be in the flow of the one movement instead of the 118 individual moves.
I am surprised when I get to the first
pail on the sapline that the sap has indeed been flowing. There’s a good two
inches of clear maple water in the pail. I unhook the pail and dump the sap
into the plastic tub. It doesn’t look like much in this larger container.
“Every bit counts” I repeat the old adage. On to the next.
The whole is greater than the sum of
the parts. While each of us contributes our “part” in community – we struggle
to keep our focus on the good of the whole. It is a tough practice. My
questions revolve around “Have I done enough?”, “Has my contribution been
valued?”, “Who has done more and who has done less?”, and so on. If I begin to
feel that my contribution has not been valued than I can start asking “Who are
you to question what I give?”, and other such “pecking order” type questions.
“Don't let your left hand know what
your right hand is doing” says the Jesus dude about offerings.
If I start comparing and questioning
the parts, I can get caught in a spiral of “never enough” thinking. If I keep
my eye on the whole of what God is doing with the sum total of the community’s
contributions – it leads me in another direction. I wonder.
Lifting the lid on each pail is like
unwrapping a gift. Sometimes there’s a little. I dump it in the bucket and I
give thanks. Sometimes more. I dump it in the bucket and I give thanks. I
wonder what’s in the next pail.
Ayuna reminds me that when I start
feeling that I have Mastered something – it is a sign of getting stuck. Just
when I think that I’m really good at “this ministry thing” is the time to wake
up and wonder. The feeling of Mastery is an illusion. The need to be the Master
of my domain is a seduction. What can I truly control? Do I have any clue about
what’s around the next corner? When I start believing that “I know” is when I
leave the path of growth and get stuck. I wonder.
My brother arrived last night. There is
no one on this planet who I have spent more time with. There is no one on the
planet who has shared a life more like my own. And yet, do I really have a clue
what it is like to be him? I wonder.
Yesterday I drilled holes in some trees
and the holes were dry. I check them again today. Still dry. I apologize again
for the wound I’ve left in their hide. While I might claim that “I” am in the
process of making Maple Syrup – am I? Am i making the sap flow? While I might
claim that “I” am in the process of growing a church community – am I? I
wonder.
“Who is in control?” is a troubling
question these days in the churchworld. The institutional answers we once used
to maintain a sense of “control” are becoming less and less useful. There is
much turmoil and so – much conflict – over the question of Mastering survival
and Mastering growth. The need for Mastery can leave little room for the
Mystery.
Ayuna tells me of her trip to Bali
where the culture revolves around daily offerings. Everyone, from humblest to
noblest participates in the daily ritual of going to the Temple. They go – not
to get what they need – a blessing, inspiration, brownie points. They go to
make an offering – to give thanks – acknowledging that which is greater than
the sum of all their efforts.
The bucket is getting really heavy now
as I carry it from tree to tree. It’s making the going slower and it’s throwing
me off balance – threatening to spill all I’ve gathered. There’s four more
buckets up a steep incline towards the cliff. I drop the bucket in the snow and
decide to bring the pails to the bucket instead of bringing the bucket to the
pails. The colder weather has created a bit of a crust on the snowtop so I
think I can also leave my snowshoes behind and do this little jog up the hill
without the trouble of snowshoes. I wonder?
Wrong! Every third step I’m up to my
knees and pulling that leg out of the deep uses up the energy I was trying to
save by leaving the snowshoes behind. Hmmmm, what’s that old adage about
shortcuts? I wonder.
Then I think that I don’t need to bring
each of the four pails back and forth, I’ll take the first ¼ full pail up to
the others and fill one pail so I only need to make one trip back to the
bucket. The second pail dumps in and I have ½ a pail of sap now. I climb up the
tricky steep last bit to the double tree growing from one trunk where I’ve got
two more pails….
Both pails are full of sap! So now I
have to make three trips from the furthest point back to the bucket! I sure
have the Maple Syrup thing Mastered don’t i? I wonder…
Just when I think I’ve got this church
ministry thing all figured out – is exactly the time to step sideways and
wonder. I can make all the right moves but if my balance is off – I fall on my
ass.
Jesus said it like this: “The farmer
plants the seeds – but does she grow the crop?”
When I finish the circle I’ve got more
than twenty litres of sap. I’m surprised how it’s all added up – the little and
the more.
Back on the deck with a scotch and a
cranberry tea chaser the sky has cleared and the stars begin to appear. The sun
and the moon are constants and I’m pretty sure I can predict their movements –
but the stars – the stars are so distant and yet they shine a path. Each one
shining into a cell of my being and so together are greater – like me – than
the sum of the universes parts.
I – well – y’know.
1 comment:
Yeah, well of course, where you are with your maple syrup is where I am collecting the juices from the Magical Spiritual realm - and elsewhere, too. A lovely young woman and her Wisdom pals are coming tomorrow. At Black Honey yesterday we kept talking about whether Mystery and Mastery are complementary, like colours, or whether they are ultimately incompatible. We were wondering.
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